The Lemonade Stand of DOOM
by Kaitzee
Summary: Zim and Gir take on the task of a simple lemonade stand to try and take over the Earth...


**Title: **Lemonade Stand of DOOM

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Rating: PG

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Genre: Humor/Humor

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Summary: Basically, Zim has another plot to take over the Earth, and Gir destroys it all with help from Zim's lack of concept of human nature, and anything that has to do with humans. Again.

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Author's Notes: Well, this is just blatant insanity. Of course, I love Jhonen and Invader Zim and Roman Dirge and Lenore. Or else why would I be writing this? My first attempt, and might not be good.

~*~

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Zim: *typing up a new plan of the word processor* COMPUTER!!

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Computer: *groan*

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Zim: Gimmie a summary of progress. *pause* ... NOW!

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Computer: *groan* Fine. So far, you're typed three words: NEW PLAN STUFF.

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Zim: Hmm, yes.Thank you, computer.

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Computer: Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Zim continues to type until a dull flump is heard from the main floor.

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Zim: *looks up* Huh?!

Another dull flump is heard.

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Zim: What could be making that n-... GIR!

Zim dashes to the elevator, presses all the buttons, and it takes five minutes to get to the main floor. Zim is screaming and cursing by the time he is rocketed out of the toilet in the kitchen and lands on the sofa, bounces off and sees Gir watching TV.

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Gir: HI, MOM!

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Zim: Gir, I'm not and will never be your mother.

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Gir: *shrug* HI PIG!

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Zim: I'm not a pig, either. Did you hear-

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Gir: HUH?!

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Zim: Did you h-

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Gir: WHAT?

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Zim: *irritated* Did... you... h-

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Gir: CAN'T HEAR YA!

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Zim: Grrr... nevermind.

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Gir: *pause*... I LIKE MUFFIN PIE!

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Zim: *odd look* Er... right. *looks at the TV*

There was a small business-helping commercial on.

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Announcer: Is your small business stinky? Does it involve too much pork fat? Are you a pea brain? Is you mother married?

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Gir: YES!

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Announcer: Then you need help from Small Business Helpers! It gives you the right funding and makes you pay it all back a week later! It'll help you dominate business... and the Earth!

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Zim: It helps dominate... the Earth?

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Announcer: YES IT DOES! HERE'S THE NUMBER! CALL AND DOMINATE!

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Zim: YES!!!

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Gir: I LIKE CHICKENS!

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Zim: All I have to do is dial that number and I can TAKE OVER THE EARTH! MWA HA HA HA HA!

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Gir: Can I come?

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Zim: Sure, why not? *picks up the telephone, dials*

The phone rings five times before someone answers it.

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Guy: Hello, Small Business Helpers, dominate the Earth. This is Guy, can I help you?

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Zim: Can you tell me h-

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Gir: ASK IF THEY HAVE BURRITOS!

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Zim: Can you tell m-

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Gir: EXTRA LARGE WITH TOMATO CHUNKS!

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Zim: Can you-

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Gir: OR DOGGIE FOOD! ASK FOR DOGGIE FOOD!

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Zim: Excuse me, helper human of doom. *to Gir* SHUT UP!

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Gir: ASK IF THEY HAVE CURLY FRIES!

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Zim: THIS ISN'T TACO WORLD!

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Gir: *sad* Oh.

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Zim: *to Guy* Can you tell me how to dominate the Earth?

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Guy: Sure. *pause* What's the name of your company?

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Zim: *thinks*

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Gir: *at the top of his robotic lungs* SHA-NAY-NAY DON'T GO THERE GIRLFRIEND!!

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Guy: Okay, you business is called, "Sha-Nay-Nay Don't Go There Girlfriend"?

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Zim: NO! That's just my... little brother... Timmy, screaming.

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Guy: Alright.

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Zim: My business is called INVADER ZIM'S BUSINESS OF DOOM!

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Guy: Uh... right. *pause* How much cash do you need?

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Zim: Cash...?

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Gir: *dances* I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME, LET'S CHASE BARNEY UP A TREE...

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Guy: You know, money.

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Zim: Oh, none. I only require you to tell me how to take over the world.

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Guy: Oh. Well...

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Gir: DO YA GOT CURLY FRIES??

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Guy: Huh? Gnarly tries...?

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Zim: TIMMY! *pause* Now then, helper human of impending DOOM BEES, how exactly do I take over the Earth?

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Guy: With your business?

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Zim: Uh, sure.

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Guy: Well, you can borrow money from us and start to build it up, or you can nail together a lemonade stand with a few extra pieces of wood and lemonade. *chuckles at his own joke*

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Zim: Anything else you have to s-

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Gir: I LIKE LEMONS!

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Zim: Anything else y-

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Gir: I LIKE WOOD!

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Zim: Anything e-

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Gir: LET'S MAKE A MONKEY STAND! I LIKE MONKIES!

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Zim: *to Gir* SHUT UP! *to Guy* Anything else you have to say, helper human of impeding DOOM BEES FROM HADES?

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Guy: Uh...

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Zim: YES! *hangs up phone* Now, let's make a lemonade stand. *thinks* Uh... what's lemonade?

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Gir: I KNOW! I KNOW!

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Zim: *sigh* What's lemonade?

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Gir: *thinks* *laughs* I don't know...

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Zim: GRRR! *dials number again*

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Guy: Hello, Small Business Helpers, dominate the Earth. This is Guy, can I help you?

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Zim: What's lemonade?

After Guy gives a thorough explanation, Zim and Gir put on their master disguses and head for the supermarket called, 'Poop Products and Supplementary'. Gir is very excited, and Zim is very determined. When is he not, though? Zim checks the list of ingredients Guy had kindly listed for him.

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Zim: Ah, yes, here's the sugar. *grabs a bag of baking soda and puts it in a hand basket*

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Gir: Master?

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Zim: Yes, Gir?

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Gir: *laughs*

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Zim: What, Gir?

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Gir: I don't know.

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Zim: Alright then, go find me some... *looks at list* Water.

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Gir: *blank stare*

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Zim: You know. Clear, liquidy stuff with no taste that burns?

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Gir: Oh, you mean Doritos?!

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Zim: Whatever.

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Gir: WEE! *runs off to the snack aisle*

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Zim: *looks at list again* What the heck is a 'pitcher'? *spies a supermarket employee* You! Poop-market slave human!

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Employee: My name is Dir.

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Zim: Okay. I'm looking for a substance called 'pitcher'.

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Dir: Huh?

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Zim: What's 'pitcher'?

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Dir: You mean baseball?

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Zim: I mean lemonade.

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Dir: What does Babe Ruth have to do with lemonade?

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Zim: What's Babe Ruth?

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Dir: A pitcher.

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Zim: Well... then show me to Babe Ruth.

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Dir: He's dead.

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Zim: Well... then show me a different pitcher.

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Dir: What's a pitcher?

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Zim: Inferior humans!! *looks on list* Tell me where I can find a lemon.

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Dir: A lemonhead?

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Zim: No... a lemon.

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Dir: The candy?

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Zim: I don't know!! JUST LEAD ME TO YOUR LEMONS! *pause* ...NOW!!!

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Dir: Why do you need a lemon?

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Zim: Is it your job to ask?

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Dir: *blank stare*

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Zim: *jumps up and down furiously* LEMONS! I WANT LEMONS!

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Gir comes back with twelve bags of Doritos and a bottle of water.

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Gir: LEMONS!

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Dir: Oh, you want lemonheads?

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Gir: *blank stare*

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Dir: *blank stare*

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Zim: *counting the bags*

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Gir: YES! I DO!

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Dir: Alright, that way, then that way, then this way, then that and this way to the candy aisle. It's in a clear plastic bag labeled 'Lemonheads'.

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Zim: Finally. YOU IDIOT! YOU CAN UNDERSTAND A DOG-BEING AND NOT AN INTELLIGENT BEING SUCH AS ME??

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Dir: *blank stare*The baked chicken is in aisle three...

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Gir: LEMONS!

As Zim and Gir walked to aisle... whatever, they ultimately pass the fresh fruit stand and wonder into the candy aisle. Gir has gone crazy.... er, more than usual, and is ripping open the bags of candy and eating it like monkeys eating the bugs they picked off other monkeys.

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Gir: YUM! RADISHES! *eats more Kit Kats*

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Zim: *browsing* Lemons... lemons... Ah HA! Lemonheads! *grabs all the bags and throws them into the basket* Now then, be still need to find a pitcher. That evil Poop-market slave human said it was Babe Ruth. Wait a second... *spies a candy bar called Baby Ruth* Ah HA! INGENIUS!

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Gir: IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! *swallows a 12-pack of Big Red*

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Zim: Now then. We have a wooden spoon at home.

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Gir: Let's get a new one!

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Zim: No Gir. We have to steal this stuff... *looks around* ...unnoticed.

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Gir: Theeeennnn.... let's get a movie!

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Zim: No, Gir. The movies has nothing to do with lemonade.

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Gir: *sad* Awww maaan...

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Zim: Now then. Let's go home.

Somehow, Zim managed to sneak out all those products, only receiving very odd looks. When he and Gir got home, they dashed into the kitchen, picked up the phone and dialed Guy again. Guy carefully explained how to make lemonade, Zim writing down every word. When they hung up, Gir went ecstatic when Zim told him to go build the lemonade stand while he prepared the lemonade. You'd think he knew better by now?

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Zim: Squeeze the lemons into the pitcher. *looks at the pack of lemonheads* Um..

*from outside***Gir: **U-G-L-Y, YA AIN'T GOT NO ALIBI YA UGLY! YEAH, YEAH, YA UGLY!

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Zim: I let him watch waaayyy too much TV. *dumps lemonheads onto the Babe Ruth bar, notices they just fall off and onto the floor* DANG IT TO THE WEASEL KINGDOM! What did I do _wrong_? *reads over recipe* OH! Pour lemon juice into the pitcher. So, I have to turn the pitcher into a liquid and put it in a jug. *pause*... INGENIUS!!!

*from outside***Gir:** WANNA BUY SOME LEMONADE?!

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Zim: HUH?! GIR!

Zim runs outside to see Gir serving lemonade he made from concentrate. There is a long, long line that goes for about a block and a half.

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Zim: GIRRRR! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS??!

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Gir: *points to guy in the Poop Dog costume* HE LIVES!

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Poop Dog: *hides lemonade powder behind his back* Uh...

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Zim: ARG! CURSE YOU HUMAN STINK-BEASTS! *to Gir* Throw that _fake_ lemonade away, Gir. We make _real_ lemonade in INVADER ZIM'S BUSINESS OF DOOM!

Somehow, by mixing the water, Doritos (all of them), the Baby Ruth candy bar, lemonheads and baking soda, they ended up with a foul-smelling sludge. They got cups like Guy said, and sat and waited for costumers.

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Zim: Maybe the Guy-stink beast was wrong. I don't see how-

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Gir: MUFFINS!

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Zim: I don't see-

Gir: MUFFIN PIES ARE MADE OUTTA MUFFINS!

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Zim: I d-

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Gir: COSTUMER!

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Costumer: What are you selling?

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Zim: YOU INFERIOR HUMAN!! I am selling lemonade!

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Costumer: Uh... that don't look like lemonade.

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Zim: Well, it is.

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Gir: I LIKE DORITOS!

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Zim: Are you going to buy or NOT?

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Gir: NOT!

*pause*

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Costumer: Can I sample it?

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Zim: ARE YOU CRAZY?

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Gir: YES!

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Zim: NOT YOU, THE COSTUMER!

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Costumer: Uh...

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Gir: *gives Costumer a cup* SAAAAAAAAAAMPLE!

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Costumer: *sip*

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Zim: Refreshing?

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Costumer: *turns green*

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Gir: HA! YOU LOOK LIKE A GRAPE!

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Customer: *throws up and runs away, screaming* PUKE JUICE! PUUUKE JUUUICE!

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Zim: *realizes something's wrong* Uh... well. We'd better... uh... pack up, then...

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Gir: *looks around* PUKE JUICE??? WHERE???

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People on the Street: ZIM'S SELLING PUKE JUICE!

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Zim: *runs into the house in terror*

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Gir: *crashes through the window* CAAAAA-BAAAAAARRRRR-EEEEEEEEEEET!

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Zim: Darn it to Hades! Another day wasted!

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Gir: Aw, Master, I wouldn't say that.

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Zim: How do you figure, Gir?

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Gir: WE MADE PUKE JUICE! *rolls around on the floor, chanting "BEVERLY HILLS 90201"*

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Zim: That Guy-stink beast will pay. *dials number once again*

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Guy: Hello, Small Business Helpers, dominate the Earth. This is Guy, can I help you?

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Zim: I'll get you, you ugly human scum bucket. It may not be now, it may not be in the next ten minutes, but you'll _pay_. *hang up*

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Gir: *stands up* I don't owe anyone money...

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Zim: SILENCE! Come, Gir, we have revenge to take hold of.

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Gir: *flies down the toilet* MY BONNIE LIES OVER THE OCEAN....

**THE NEXT DAY, AT SMALL BUSINESS HELPERS**

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Guy: *strolls into office, whistling merrily*

There is a weird doll on Guy's desk. He looks at it expectantly, and picks it up.

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Doll: I AM RAGAMUFFIN, SCURAGE VAMPIRE OF THE SKIES! I AM HERE TO HAUNT YOOOOUUUU!

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Guy: AHHHHH!!!

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THE END!

((A/N- Should I continue with more spooky, weird episodes? REVIEW! I COMMAND IT!**))**


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